But that's the point, I am not sorry I went through all that! I see now that it was a gift. All the times in my life that were difficult were actually a gift. because without them, we do not learn. And yes, it would have been helpful to hear that - to know that others have gone the Buddhist route and let go of their suffering. I had a friend at that time who was telling me to do it, as I recall. I had Buddhist friends who lent me books on letting go of the ego. I appreciate them so much. but more than anything, I appreciate the abuser who played this role in my awakening.