How I Lost My Faith in the Universe

And then gained it back again

The year 2022 was a very dark, depressing, horrifying segment in the story of my life. For me, that time was filled with hopelessness, grief, depression, and a great disinterest in being alive. I felt that the universe had betrayed me.

Nothing made sense anymore. I’d lost faith in it all. I was grieving the death of a person I loved, but looking back now, I see that a large part of the grief was directed toward the shift in my relationship with the universe. I couldn’t trust it, myself, or life anymore. I wanted out.

I had lost trust and with it, a sense of purpose. That is something worth grieving. It was a loss of a big part of myself. But I did get it back eventually. Let me explain.

The dark night of the soul is a time in your life when you are so lost that you feel you’re in a black hole. You can’t see with your five senses any reason to keep going here. It is bleak on the physical plane in these times. But your soul knows the truth: it is all an illusion. The light never went away.

It is a test of faith.

When I felt betrayed by the universe, I lost faith in many spiritual concepts I once held dear. It was awful to have to admit to myself that I was wrong about many things. The universe doesn't work…