I’m Ending the Cycle of Abusive Relationships in My Life

How I came to understand real love.

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Trust me, you’re better off alone than with someone who diminishes and hurts you. I’ve found that when I go looking for love out of a place of hurt or loneliness, it leads to undesirable outcomes. I learned to love myself and seek love out of a desire to spread that inner love to others.

I’ve been in my share of abusive situations and I know how hard it is to end the cycle. Those of us who understand the importance of love in the universe often get involved with others who can’t allow themselves to truly love. They are so afraid that they’d rather keep hurting people than let go and just let love in. The cycle is hard to end because when your heart is open, you keep wanting to see the love in the situation instead of the hurt. So you keep going back to it, hoping it’ll change on its own.

I was in an abusive marriage for years. I have been with other abusive partners who took pleasure in my pain. They have some things in common — they are cold and unfeeling. There must be a good soul in there somewhere, but their behavior is reptilian.

They are able to show me such kindness and the next minute tear me to shreds. They kept me second-guessing myself, doubting who I really am, and living in fear. I found myself constantly begging for love and attention. My needs were minimized and I wasn’t myself anymore. I felt very small and sad.

I’m choosing to never get myself into that kind of cycle again.

I can recognize it early now. When I meet a man, I can tell when he doesn’t see me as a soul worthy of love and respect, but a pawn in his game of life. I know when he is looking to cause hurt and not looking within. And, sadly, it appears as though the majority of people have something going on in their heads that makes it hard for them to communicate in a healthy way.

I’m not perfect, but I try to approach things from the soul level. I am trying to prioritize my own happiness now because I know that as a soul, I am of no use to anyone unless my own cup is full.

There’s always a way to strike a balance in any relationship. But some people aren’t seeking solutions…