Once, I Was Scared to Stop Grieving
I thought I would lose even more if I became happy again.
Grief is a very strange and unexpected experience. After my boyfriend (and twin flame) died a few years ago, I was shocked by my mental state sometimes. There were paradoxes and inner battles, including feeling happy and sad at the same time. One of the aspects of my grief journey was that I wanted to be happy again and make the pain go away, but at the same time, I didn’t want to let go of the sadness because that would mean I had “moved on” and forgotten the love I felt.
We attach ourselves to emotions sometimes. Deep grief seems to become an intrinsic part of us, and a traumatic event defines us. If you suddenly get to be “normal” and happy again, it would feel wrong in a way. It seems like you have to hang onto the heartbreak so that you can remember who you are.
Grief is a great expression of love. If you never truly loved, you could never grieve. Therefore, it sometimes seems like we shouldn’t stop grieving or that would mean we stop loving. But this isn’t the case. Let me explain why.
I once had the fear that the grief would be over. People said that time would heal me. I was stubborn. I said that would never happen. I felt that they minimized my pain when they said I would soon move on and I would find…
