Self-Love and Self-Hate

Working Through Self-Loathing

Understand the ways you allow transgressions against the self.

Emily Jennings
4 min readAug 3, 2022


self-hate needs to be worked through
Image credit: Canva

You always have a choice whether to lower your standards for yourself. You always have the opportunity to be rigid with your rules about life or to bend them. You always have the ability to uphold or revise your boundaries. Giving in to less-than-ideal situations can sometimes be an act of self-love and something an act of self-hate.

When you allow someone to overstep your boundaries and do something you don’t approve of, this is an act of self-hate.

Maybe it sounds weird. But lately, I’ve been realizing just how much I hate myself.

I allow things to happen that aren’t what I wanted. I allow people to ruin agreements I’ve made with myself. In my soul, I know certain things are right and wrong about the way life should be, and I turn and look the other way sometimes while others trample over these values. I let it happen. I’m too flexible and forgiving.

I used to think that flexibility and forgiveness were good qualities. And they still can be. But before, I was being hard on myself when I wasn’t compromising enough. I want things to work out so badly that I let my standards slip. I was a people-pleaser.

Unworthiness in All Things

I’m talking about relationships obviously. But this even translates into my general relationship with the universe. I see now that I am willing to settle for a person in my life who treats me worse than I want, and I am also willing to settle for circumstances that are less ideal. Allowing things to fall short of my bare minimum of what I’d hoped. This is called unworthiness, people. Do you have it, too?

We all do.

I’m trying a new thing. When someone transgresses my standards and boundaries, I don’t get mad at them. I look within. I ask myself why this is being allowed. I ask how I can stop this occurrence and what caused it. I try to identify my self-hate immediately. I want to solve my unworthiness.

I deserve good things! I try to affirm this in any way I can.



Emily Jennings

Wellness & Oneness Author | Spiritual & Twin Flame Coach | Podcaster | Sometimes Funny | IG: @wellness_oneness |